2010 Academy Awards: What Team Brenda Thought

nd so it goes.  The 2010 Academy Awards were wonderful.  I really enjoyed watching the (long-ass) broadcast from my command post for almost four hours.  ABC really should have started at 8pm.  And they really should not bring back Kathy Ireland next year.  She was not good.  Not natural, not poised, not comfortable.  Not good.

I spent most of the night recapping red carpet looks for Socialite Life, and I think I speak for most people when I say that the stars brought their A-game (except for Clooney and his Italian minx, Elisabetta Canalis.  She looked generic and he looked old/tired).  Was in LAVA with SJP's buttery Chanel dress. The makeup, the hair.  Everything worked.  She could wear Laura Ashley and make it look good.

The Show

Co-hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin made me laugh out loud.  They did such a great job.  Then scenes of them spoofing Paranormal Activity (I'm always game for a slap across the face) and the snuggie-for-two were AMAZING.  I especially liked that they took digs at the younger presenters who were up wayyy past their bed time (Miley, Zac, Taylor, Kristen). 

Even though I didn't want her to win (I was pulling for Carey Mulligan), Sandra Bullock gave the speech of her career.  It was perfect.  I laughed, I cried.  I figured out why the Academy gave her this Oscar.  She's a great actress, I'll give you that.  The Academy loves a great speech, and Bullock gave it to them.  I think Nana was upset with me when I told her I didn't think Sandy should win the Oscar. Loved the red lipstick.  I've included her speech here for those who missed it.

I can't really think of any other highlights.  Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr. were very funny.  Just read what the writer put on the script, silly actor.  Don't deviate.  Oh, and who was that old bat who stormed the stage?  Crazy lady in leggings.

It bewilders me that awards season is over.  I loved every moment of it (well, not every moment.  There were a few low points).  What did you love/hate about last night's Oscars?

Hooray For Hollywood, playahs.

Housewives, East And West

images via bravotv.comhttp://www.bravotv.com/

Hurroh and Happy Oscar Day.   I'm pulling for Carey Mulligan to win Best Actress, but I know they'll either hand it to Sandy or Meryl...and I'm not pscyhed.  So that I don't throw this delicious Mac agaist my sheet-rock wall, I'll focus on other droomz from this week...

Bravo gifted us with the most delectable of television on Thursday.  10pm saw the finale of the Real Housewives Of Orange County.  A sunny day at the St. Regis, beautimous music in the background, an impending divorce and drunk teenagers.  One could see the fight from a short distance when Tamra and Simon started bickering in her closet.  While Simon could use a little more tact in his comments, he was correct.  Tamra needs to dress her age.  And what's with the intense hairdo?  Ay yay yay as Nugget says.  The limo ride wasn't much better (Point goes to Bravo for preventing drunk driving, but point is deducted when I realized that Bravo is really trying to get the cast good and sauced.  A sauced character makes for better ratings).  The claws are chipped and sticking out of Simon's neck as he tries to calm Tamra down.  It doesn't get any better the rest of the night.  Vicki's taken a cue from Alexis and broke out the slutty satin dress.  Gretchen got her hair did and donned a short white wedding dress, vested Slade in town.  Next comes Lori, looking a bit more demure than usual, and her camp (George, Ashley, George's daughter).  Next we have Alexis and her vested husband, Jim.  Jim and Slade look like waiters.  Aaaaand last but not least, Lynne and her motley crew.  Raquel and Alexa are hammered and making a scene.  But Lynne and Frank are so baked that they don't realize.  After asking if Frank needs his drink refreshed, Slade informs Frank that his two girls are very drunk and the St. Regis employees are getting annoyed.  Oh yeah, Jeana showed up with Shane and Kara.  Loved Kara's dress.  Gretchen's makeup looked like it was a paint-by-numbers pallete.  And yes, Gretchen.  Slade and Lori did date.  He's a-lyin' to you!

Tamra melts down by the fire, and cries into Vicki's arms. Simon gets wind that she's upset and tries to calm her down.  No dice.  The beginning of the end.  Simon filed for divorce in early January.  The finale airs next week.

We goes from west to east for one helluva season three premiere.  Whoa nelly, why is Ramona so wired this season?  She welcome Jill and Luanne to her boat ("She wishes it was her boat"), in a bikini that was not at all age-appropriate, according to Jill (and me.  And America).   Ramona is a new person.  Revived, renewed, evolving.  She still sounds like a blundering idiot to me.   I love that she ordered her own check at Savannah's.  Alex boarded the boat and just did nothing the entire time, which worked for me.  And tequila in a wine glass?  Come on, ladies.  Jill Zarin-I love you.  Keep drinking that diet coke and judging those who like their liquor.

If you turn Bethenny sideways, she disappears (save for the boobs).  The sister has shrunk.  Is it the love diet?  Is it because she's busy?  We may never know.  But her new lover, Jason Hoppy, seems to likie.   Bethenny's a bit more obnoxious this season and has burned many a bridge.  The biggest and most painful bridge being Jill Zarin.  Why did you leave that message on her machine, Bethenny? Why? Why would you cut Jill Zarin out of your life? 

The volume on this episode was so intense.  I chattered with Rachele and Abby about it last night, and we agreed that the cattiness was emphasized big time.  The Hamptons bar confrontation between Bethenny and Luanne?  Come on.  It was like watching a tennis match between John McEnroe and Tatum O'Neill.  Just bad.  Do you like? Do you hate?  Countess, stop making bitchy comments and then laughing.  It was hard to keep up with who was mad at whom.  And what's this rule about not paying if you were invited somewhere?  My friend just invited me to San Francisco.  Does this mean I make her pay for my ticket and meals? 

The rest of the episode was so anxiety-ridden that I think I blacked out. I do remember watching Kelly eat chicken wings.  Rachele thinks it was her only meal of the day. 

Bethenny-you had better apologize to Jill Zarin soon.  Poor Bahbby had taken ill and I didn't know?

One more thing.  The Skinny Girl Margherita car that you make Jason drive around in?  That's just mean. 

Justin Bieber Fan On Jimmy Kimmel

I don't get the attraction to Justin Bieber.  He's like the second coming of Joey McIntyre (no relation to Whitey).This clip from the Jimmy Kimmel Show is nothing short of priceless.  Young children are a laugh a minute.

Many franks to boo for sending this to me. Harharhar.

It's Smutty TV. And Yes, I'll Be Watching

images via cwtv.com

Thanks to friends in high places (Chutricia!), I was sent some Gossip Girl footage that left very little to the imagination.  March 8th (9pm) cannot come fast enough, eh?   I'd like to state for the record that there aren't many 19-year-olds that are this sexually advanced.  PS-nice knee socks, Serena. 

How badly does Blake Lively wants to do a remake of 9 1/2 Weeks?

Click here for Gossip Girl sexy time in the kitchen.

Next on the agenda is The CW's next attempt at reality tv, using the most beat-on concept around: socialites.  There's this chick, Jules Kirby, a horrifying excuse for a person with money.  She is the very essence of all that is wrong in popular culture.  Then we have Manhattan gal about Town & Country, Tinsley Mortimer.  Kirby sounds like a spoiled pain in the ass.  She's the daughter of power lawyer Roger Kirby and former model/ballerina Irene Kirby.  Read more about the ass hat here.  Yawn, yawny yawn.  High Society premieres on March 10th at 9:30pm.

Click here for an up-close of Jules Kirby, and see below for a sneakerpeeker of High Society.

My Thoughts On Monday's Bachelor

We all knew it would happen.  Jake picked Vienna and sent Tenley (safely) home on her scratch N' sniff glittered unicorn.  Internet rumors swirled that Jake would take Vienna to be his swamp bride, and last night we watched as the two mismatched do-do birds joined together to make one of the oddest pairings in television history (perhaps not the oddest, but definitely one of the top ten). 

Vienna doesn't jive with me.  She's obnoxious, hurting for friends and from Florida.  But sister hung in there the entire season and treated the competition like, well, a competition.  She was up-front about her feelings without seeming like too much of a stage-fiver.  She was cutthroat in her attempts to show Jake how much she wanted that rose.  And in the end, to the victor went the spoil.  Everyone else just fell short of winning the ring, the the rose and the wings of love. 

Last night I twittered "The Bachelor proves my theory that men love trashy girls."  Perhaps not all men, but a lot of them, love the trashy girl who hates other chicks and ain't too classy for the lucite heels/chiffon top.  Torlone informed me that DListed referred to Vienna as the Haylie Duff of Florida

"Those of you who spent 2 damn hours watching the cheese fondue dry last night know that Vienna Sausage won Jake's peenus and became his fiance. This is hilarious since I figured the Haylie Duff of Florida was going to be sent back to her stable on episode one."

 The saddest part about After The Rose Ceremony was listening to Vienna Finger eagerly confirm her move to Dallas.  Chris Harrison didn't even finish his question before Vienna cut him off to say she was moving to the Big D "immediately."  And how nice of ABC to send Jake and ViNa back to St. Lucia on an all-expense paid vacay?  Rewarding the ratings, oldest trick in the book. Pshawwww.

So we come away from this series having learned nothing, and having lost several hours of our lives to The Bachelor (three hours, ABC? Really?).  Who are the real fools?

Oh yes.  How could I forget Jeffrey Osbourne's serenade at the finale?   You can't make this sh*t up.

Brenda Walsh Is On Dancing Con Los Estrellas

Last night during the craptasical Bachelor finale, the new contestants for season 10 of Dancing With The Stars were announced.

Aiden Turner (Soap star)
Buzz Aldrin (The other guy who walked on the moon)
Chad Ochocinco (Football dude)
Erin Andrews (ESPN broad)
Evan Lysacek (Olympic skater)
Jake Pavelka (trash-magnate)
Kate Gosselin (Jon & Kate Plus 8. Who's watching the kids?)
Nicole Scherzinger (Lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls.  Why are you on this, Nicole? Your career is good right now)
Niecy Nash (Reno 911)
Pamela Anderson 
Shannen Doherty

I'm vury excited to see Brenda Walsh back on primetime TV, but I loathe Dancing With The Stars.  The only way I'll watch is if Doherty A) Gets into a fight with her dance partner B) Gets into a fight with one of the judges or C) Slaps the sh*t out of any one member of the audience or cast like she slapped Aundrea that summer in drama class.  BOOM.

More on The Bachelor later.  I still need to sit awhile with last night's episode.

Are You Watching 'RuPaul's Drag Race'?

 image via Logotv.com

Ladies and Gays and Gentleman-Ladies:  If you aren't already watching, I urge you to tune into the second season of RuPaul's Drag Race (on LOGO TV).  I was flipping through the channels last night and caught the latest episode on VH1.  I'm in love.  I'm in love with beautiful gay men who have better complexions than I do and respond to names like Tyra and Mystique.  At the end of each episode, the lovely DQs sashay down the runway, then face the panel for their fate. In this last episode, the bottom two contestants had to lip sync.  It was the best elimination segment I've ever laid my unpainted eyes on.

I so adore RuPaul.  Bro-Sis can wears the sh*t out of floor-length gowns and has a voice like silk.   

"Hey Squirelfriends."

Check out the sexy bitches every Monday night at 9pm on LOGO.